12 August 2006
How was your week? I can’t say that my week began well, since last Sunday. I was reading up on the side effects of chemotherapy and I was really very disheartened. I asked God if I have to go through all that. I literally didn’t feel like doing anything. I just wanted to cry out to God. What’s worse was that the children were down with HFMD and so we couldn’t go to church. Their symptoms were mild and are on their way to recovery. Thank you for praying for them.
But that was last weekend. A friend prompted me to fast and pray. I thought about that as well and so started a juice fast on Tuesday. I’m taking carrots and apple juices in addition to my nutritional supplements. My parents were concerned that I’ll be weak and tired but I’m doing well. It’s a good time to clear the body system a little. No loss of energy level but I also try not to do too many things. Hubby is also fasting along with me. I went to a friend’s church for prayer for healing. It was a very pleasant experience. I was asked to confess any grudges I had. Then I was given communion and prayed over. They prayed that the curses be broken, that the cancer cells would die and there’ll be life in my body. The lady who prayed, standing in front of me with her arms outstretched, actually told me she felt something coming out of her hands and after she told me, I felt a tingling feeling going through my body. I was sure that was not due to the cold air-con. They also prayed for me to speak life, something I didn’t really understand. As I drove home that night, God told me that He will keep me in lane, just as I am doing to the car, as He has the steering wheel of my life in His hands. He assured me that He is in TOTAL control. I was very encouraged. My spirits were lifted.
A friend gave me a set of CDs on divine healing. She had shared with me how she had prayed for herself and she was healed from her breast lump. She shared with me how she confessed Isaiah 53:5 ‘And by His stripes we are healed.’ This was also the same verse another friend shared to encourage me. I’m not quite sure about divine healing and am wary as I have experiences of speakers taking the Scriptures out of context. So I resisted listening to the CDs until the eve of my scans, on National Day. I listened to 3 of the CDs within about 2 hrs and I am very encouraged. I was reminded of the following:
1. There is no condemnation when we are sick.
2. It is the will of God for us to be healed. When the sick were brought to Jesus, He healed ALL of them. (Matthew 4:23-24, 8:16, 9:35, 10:1, 12:15, Mark 1:34, Luke 4:40, 6:19)
3. I need to BELIEVE and RECEIVE the healing. THEN I’ll have it. I need to get the sequence right.
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
I realise that when my friend told me to pray for healing, I was saying ‘by His stripes I am healed’ and then I thought: but it’s ok if I still have to go through surgery and chemotherapy. Such unbelief!!!! Plus after a while, I stopped praying. So much for perseverance!!!! Why should God heal someone like that? Even my friends are praying for me and ‘pounding the doors of heaven for my healing’, as one friend said in her SMS. So what am I doing? I felt so ashamed, so ashamed. How come I am not praying more persistently for my OWN healing? So I have started to pray very persistently. Now I know why that lady in the healing room prayed for me to speak life. I MUST SPEAK it!!
Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy…
That night I knelt down, raised up my hands and asked for my healing. I felt a pressure on my chest and then a tingling feeling going to my arms, hands, lips and body but nothing to my legs. After that I had to go lie down. Then I fell asleep. I believe that was the Holy Spirit cleansing me. I know I have to continue to pray and speak my healing.
The next 2 nights I finished listening to the CDs and I learnt a few more lessons:
1. I need to attend a hundredfold to the Word in order to reap a hundredfold (Matthew 13:8). I need to build my house on the Rock. The Word is life and health to me. How come I didn’t know that?
For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their flesh.
2. I am the righteousness (right being) of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). And this righteousness is from God (Isaiah 54:17). It’s a gift. So I got to start living a life worthy of one who is righteous. It’s like I’m a child of God my Father, who is the King, but I’m living like a pauper, not knowing what my privileges are. Proverbs 12:28 reminds me
In the way of righteousness is life, And in its pathway there is no death.
3. I am reminded to pray FERVENTLY
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
I went to NUH on Thursday and Friday for my scans. I wasn’t able to do the scans in one day as I have multiple drug allergies and for the CT scan, they would prefer me to take a steroid to minimise the allergic reactions, if any. Thank God there was none. Usually I would dread going to the hospital twice in a week but not this time. I’m just thankful that my mom was able to help me to babysit the children. So while I was waiting, God wanted me to commune with Him – usually I would bring a book but those 2 days, I brought my Bible. I think I read more of the Bible than I would in one week. Forgive me Lord!
As I reflect, I realise what I need to repent of is my attitude toward God and His Word. I am so in control of things that God is not a priority anymore. My Bible is there and I’ll read when I need to. No wonder I don’t know God and what His promises are! On 11 Aug, I thought I should try reading Psalm 118. And boy, was I encouraged!!! I was reminded that His mercies endures forever and He will help me. I just want to share some parts that really comforted me:
15 The voice of rejoicing and salvation
Is in the tents of the righteous;
The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.
16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted;
The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.
17 I shall not die, but live,
And declare the works of the LORD.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
But He has not given me over to death.
Yes the Lord is chastening (disciplining) me, because He loves me, because I’m His child (Hebrews 12:5-6). The best part was in Psalm 94:12-13 when He told me that He is instructing and teaching me to give me rest from the days of adversity. Rest? I thought it was to prepare me to fight tougher times ahead. I thank God for the rest.
12 Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O LORD,
And teach out of Your law,
13 That You may give him rest from the days of adversity,
Until the pit is dug for the wicked.
Thank you all for praying for me. Thank you for journeying with me. Thank you for encouraging me with the Word. I have much to learn. Pray for me to perservere.
1. All Scriptures are taken from the New King James version. Please read them in context.
2. All results of the scans are sent to the doctor. I have an appointment to see him on 16 August at 9.30am. I will update you then.